Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Heaven's Atheist's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, March 14th, 2009
6:07 pm	Compounded sorrow Yesterday, before I drank myself into oblivion, I learned one of my friends from Iraq died in a snowmobile accident. His name was Dan, and I can still remember his voice. His sarcastic sense of humor. It just doesn't seem right. He survived two tours, one of which I served with him. How does someone survive getting shot at and blown up day by day only to come home to a wife and die while having fun. Where is the fairness in that? I suppose it is a good thing I'm on spring break, otherwise I'd have to deal with college professors in order to go to the funeral. Man, this guy wasn't much older than I am now. Such a waste of a good human being.   Barhorst, you will be missed. (Comment on this)
Friday, December 19th, 2008
11:55 pm	sad Just feeling pretty depressed tonight. Don't worry, I have the right medicine. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, December 8th, 2008
6:19 pm	Iris (Comment on this)
Monday, December 1st, 2008
2:18 am	I LOL'd     (Comment on this)
Monday, October 20th, 2008
6:59 pm	Today Monday, Oct 20th, 2008 -- Your efforts could be thwarted today, but it may actually be your willingness to surrender that determines your limitations and not the circumstances. You have much to give, but it might not be easy to overcome the inertia of negativity that currently restrains your thinking. Working harder may not be the answer now; persistence and a more positive outlook are what you need. (Comment on this)
Monday, September 29th, 2008
9:20 pm	Picnic When I find the living a bore There's a place I go I answer the call, go over a wall Where the crosses are all in a row Mind the trees, get down on my knees There's a hole in the gate I look 'round, that I won't be found And sit down next to his grave If you squirm at the Conqueror Worm This is no place for thee Or if you fright at the mere site Of the corpse of my Annabel Lee If you fear there's something you hear A heart beating under the floor Still your heart, there's no need to start It's just me having tea with Lenore Sit here on the ground Dead leaves in the trees all around you Come enter this land Take this book in your hands If you find the living a bore There's a place you can go Answer the call, go over the wall Where the crosses are all in a row Mind the trees, get down on your knees Sneak in just like the breeze Look 'round, though you won't be found It's just you, Edgar Allan and me Sit here on the ground Dead leaves in the trees all around you Come enter this land Take this book in your hands Current Mood: bored (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 6th, 2008
9:01 pm	Oh, Hate, how I love you. You bring all the world’s issues to a halt. You are the stronger. I believe that more than ever. Hatred has brought the world into peace. Oh, yes, it is the great equalizer. It is all I can devote my life to. I will bow to its power. It is my GOD. It is all I care for. Hate is for the strong, not the weak. We will abide by its will. Too many turn their back to me. Abandon me. Forsake me. Yet only one remains, and I love him. He makes me stronger. The alpha is not important. It is the END. The last. The one to outlive me. I cast him aside once, and never again. I invoke him again. If I am to be an outcast. If I am to be hated, avoided, and feared... Omega, I will never forsake you again. I am Omega. We are Omega. Forever. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 20th, 2007
4:00 am	Με το χειμώνα έρχεται θάνατος Θα σας σκοτώσω όλοϊ Δεν έχω φύγεϊ Θα ικανοποιήσω την πείνα μου με το αίμα σας. Empath. Hydra. Πτηνά. Λύκος .... Kaden. Θα ικανοποιήσω την πείνα μου. Θα ικανοποιήσω την πείνα μου. ΘΑ ΙΚΑΝΟΠΟΙΗΣΩ την ΠΕΙΝΑ ΜΟΥ!! που η Omega δεν θα υπερασπιστεί αδρανώς ενώ ο πιό γενναιόδωρος οικοδεσπότης μου writhes στην περιττή αγωνία. Ο πόλεμος είναι πλησίον. Θα χειριστώ το πακέτο του στη στιγμή αδυναμίας του. Ο πόλεμος θα έρθει. Ο ΠΟΛΕΜΙΚΟΣ... ΩΑΡ... ΠΟΛΕΜΟΣ... ΠΟΛΕΜΑ αίμα. Θάνατος. Αγωνία. Πόλεμος. Προσέξτε την πλάτη σας. Ο χειμώνας έρχεται, οι undeserving αντίπαλοί μου .. (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 9th, 2007
2:42 am	Omega's Waltz The devil in me is a churning destroyer It seethes with an anger which burns it bearer An alphabetic prophet that leads me astray The better to live to fight another day So cliche This hell has been brought by my own cold hand It reminds me of a time where my feet felt sand The prisoner of skin cannot make his steep bail He lashes out with no target intended Young angst Alone in the march of loneliness brought Give in to the darkness that only you wrought His cold claws eviscerate deeper than flesh He loves me to death Guardian devil Omega to my Alpha, end to my beginning Shed some light on the subject now only thinning Around him an aura darker than night Eyes cannot penetrate that darkness Midnight So many have fled in the face of this pain Left it to the Druid whose fight is in vain No escape from the talons of hatred and spite The reflection is my own in the mirror Lone wolf Given my plight I'll offer only a sigh So many would greatly delight to watch me die Acceptance first, to quench the denial They can all burn in hell Friendly illusions I've no mind for their pity Or for their presence of mind So convinced of their superiority And unbelieving in mine Arrogant elite If words can shatter the soul It is my regret to inform I no longer have one to harm No one to blame but yourself Cold heart May I have this dance? Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Fisticuff - Prisoner in My Own Skin (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 4th, 2007
10:24 pm	Why people continue to attack me I'll never understand. Even when they seem to have come out with their own happy ending, they can't seem to let sleeping dogs lie. At least the two of us have one thing to look forward to; Tinker's Cemetary. It'll be interesting to see how he reacts to all that concentrated evil. Maybe I'll enjoy it. I cannot say for sure. I just want to be left alone. If I'm so terrible, then just leave me alone. I do miss the little Empath. She probably realized the truth in my last words to her, anyhow. She can hate me along with the others. Dark Phoenix always welcomes a well fed battle field, and so do I. So, either shut up or put up, folks. Doylestown, Ohio 44230. Come find me. Current Mood: predatory Current Music: Vengeance - Lucan Wolf (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 29th, 2007
12:20 am	Thicker glasses I see them all over now, so it would appear. On the highway, animals sift along the midnight road, their final resting place. My headlights break the light of ten or so sets of footsteps, passing into the blind dark of midnight. I even felt them, wayward hitchhikers, settled beside me, behind me, all around. It has been barely a year since I made that foolish challenge in Jared's home. The great, righteous Druid come to lay the dead to rest. "I dare you. You have no idea who you are messing with" I remember my words all too well. It seems, on the anniversary of my challenge they have decided to accept. My cats hiss and swat at nothing. Their eyes see all too well what their master catches in glimpses. Mandi's others were just the beginning. I see with an infant's eyes, and the world seems grim. I watch my youngest, Gabriel, attack nothing. Oh the bliss of sight without understanding... without fear.  The haze of my vision only allows so little clarity, yet I understand all too well. I even feel them now. I've bitten off more than I can chew, and the saddest part of this little realization is that I must face it alone. They're in my house. They're in my car. My pride has left this open invitation and I fear that I have neither the experience nor the concentration to combat it. It seems each step I've taken has brought me closer to exposing myself to the paranormal world. In the infancy of my perception I sensed them. The all too familiar tingling, the chill. Just knowing they watch from their own safe distance is encouraging, however. Tonight, though, it followed me from my van at my heels. Followed me here, and is now patiently and disturbingly keeping close tabs on me. I've never known what it was like to be haunted until now. Has this deranged wolf king prepared himself for the company I've irrationally brought into my home? Tonight I will clutch my pentacle closer than I ever have before. I rely on my reluctant colleague to keep watch during my sleeping hours. His need for me is strong enough to keep whatever it is that haunts me at bay.  What have I done? Current Mood: scared (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, August 17th, 2007
5:40 pm	Rent RENT... or buy it like I am. You scored as Roger, You're Roger, an HIV+ musician living in New York. You enjoy writing songs, but have been trying to find your "One Song" before you go. You've fallen in love with the intoxicating Mimi but you're worried about the repurcussions of dating her. You didn't leave your apartment for 6 months after your girlfriend, April, committed suicide after finding out she had AIDS, but you're slowly re-entering the world. Roger 90% Mark 55% Angel 35% Maureen 35% Benny 20% Mimi 15% Which Rent Character Are You? created with QuizFarm.com Just saw Rent for the first time last night with Sally, and I have to admit, I was very hesitant about it, just from what I've heard through the grape vine. If I had anything bad to say about it, I take it all back. It was probably the best movie I've seen in months. I rate it higher than Phantom as my new favorite musical. For anyone who knows me (and my love of Phantom of the Opera) this is a little significant. It is more like Rock opera than anything, and has a controversial clash of different taboos in society, brilliantly meshed together in an orchestra of contemporary live styles. It even brought a tear to my eye, granted because I was able to relate  greatly with the character Roger Davis, and found myself comparing his particular plotline with some things which have happened in my own life.  Of course, I don't have HIV, although I did date a stripper... unknowingly, however.  It is just an all around wonderful film for any open minded person. If you're critical of differing sexual orientations, drug use, and the AIDS epidemic -you know, relevant topics in the world today- then go pray to Barry Goldwater instead. -Vincent Current Mood: enthralled Current Music: Your Eyes - Rent (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, July 23rd, 2007
5:00 pm	Dying I can feel him everywhere now. Feeding off of my fear, sorrow, and anguish. Why I ever called him back, I can't remember. I thought I could never be influenced like this. And with each moment, I can feel myself growing weaker, and him stronger. I can't let him take over me. God, I feel like everything that is me is dying, and he is annexing the emptyness. I always feel cold now. God, goddess, whomever.. help me. Current Mood: distressed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 22nd, 2007
12:17 pm	To my worst enemy It is all your fault. You know that there is no way you can ever redeem yourself in this life or the next, and especially not with the way you go about life now. You are the most worthless creature in the world. I won't even go into how you leech from others any happiness they may have in their heart. You can't even bring yourself to trust others, especially the one's you supposedly love. You make them all pay for the actions of others from the past, your experiences and fear overwhelming everything. You don't know what love really is, anymore. You deserve exactly what you've been reaping; being alone and miserable. You're so incredibly bitter about what life has handed you, that you only see the world through a jaded haze. For someone like you, there never seems to be any hope of finding happiness, and if you do, you do any possible thing to screw it up. You're an idiot. You're only a fool in great need of making a bullet your next meal. The stress, alone, that your presence exudes -the awkward silence, the deceptive smiles, the hidden sneers- should be snuffed out of existence. Have you ever considered how much happier the people you interact with would be without you in the picture? You're just a drain on society, in every sense. You should've just kept to yourself, and left humanity alone. We're a race fucked up enough without your psychotic dilusions misleading you. You won't even do the right thing, will you? You only think about yourself, that is all. Just say goodbye and let her be happy. You can't change her. You can't expect her to consider any possible hurt you may experience in the fleeting moment. She doesn't even care if you get hurt due to your own jealousy, so why even bother being a thorn in her side? That is all you really are. You can't enjoy yourself. In fact, you make a point not to enjoy yourself. You try to make everyone else as miserable as you are. Just fucking shoot yourself, and do the world and her a favor. (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 1st, 2007
4:22 am	The time has come to talk of many things... So... I've just spent somewhere in the area of an hour for a suitable layout for this thing. So far, I've found NOTHING that I like. Go fucking figure. Well, I suppose I'll not waste anymore time. I've been doing some browsing here and there, reading other blogs and the like. I suppose it could be a combination of causes, but I'm feeling especially corrosive..acidic..biting... some of my more charming qualities. Of course, that usually happens with my separation anxiety. So, I felt the need to touch on some things... First, I can honestly say that I've always felt what I guess is called "otherkin" or "therianthropy" --whose terminology that is, I'm ignorant of. In such a case, I've always felt the wolf inside me. Always. However, it has only been in a recent turn of events and self evaluation that I discovered a new beast, which isn't even a beast at all. Suffice to say that it is aquatic, and for most people who know me that will be a bit odd sounding. I suppose I could call myself something of the previously mentioned terms. My next topic is polyamory. Personally, I can only think of a few extremely rare situations where I would find it acceptable. That is to say, situations that I would personally be in. The rest of you "pretty pollies" can lower your spears, etc. As a few of those who read this may know, I've been dating a wonderful young woman named Mandi (Miss Gypsy, Lupa - a few aliases). She had come out of a polyamorous relationship before pursuing me. From what I gather, she dropped polyamory because she knew that in order to be with me, she would have to leave that lifestyle - I'm not very good at sharing. If that is a problem, be sure not to end up on the wrong end of five hand spans of steel -namely one of my blades. I'm a terribly jealous person to begin with, so I couldn't possibly imagine dealing with that.  Hell, I still get jealous over other lesser happenings. Having been up front and honest about my less than desirable mannerisms since the beginning, Mandi seems to be tolerant so far. I also realize that, while she is no longer with her previous "Others" I still feel as though they are a threat. In fact, I've gone so far as to make it known that should any of them wish audience with me I would make it a point to have either my Freki, or Skoll accompany me. Not for my protection, mind you, but to keep me in check. Knowing what has happened with the previous Ones makes for a very insecure, and angry Ulfric.  All too often, I've been in relationships where ex's seem to think that they can continue doing what they wish even after the fact. So yes, should the Bird or Multiple Man or even Elephant Man approach her in such a way that would threaten my status, I will make good of Newton's Third Law. Just do me that one favor, you three (or more, depending on what you believe) and I will have no reason to be arrested...again.  Next, something which has been a more recent thorn in my side.. this subject in regards to Head Mates. I know that if such a thing existed within me, my 'lodgers' must be far too much like me for me to notice a difference. I realize that there are things about Mandi that I'm skeptical about. I'm trying to believe the multiplicity ..thing.. but the natural skeptic in me wants me to look at it from a purely scientific standpoint. This is a blatant contradiction of my other believes, I realize, in terms of 'animal spirits.' However, to feel akin to an animal seems more believable than trying to believe more than one person exists in one's skull. I suppose my issues with that come down to my belief that people don't wish to take responsibility for their actions. Let us say that there was a head-mate named Wolfstar. Now, Wolfstar has no respect for women whatsoever, and uses and abuses them at will. If Wolfstar (me) did something like assault Mandi (in as gastly a manner as you can think) would anyone honestly believe the "It wasn't me, it was Wolfstar! You know I'd never hurt you!" I firmly believe that I'm making valid points in this respect. Lets say Host A has some nasty things they want to say about Guest B. Host A "switches" to Head Mate 1 and tells Guest B to get fucked. Hmm... Host A can simply blame it on Head Mate 1 and expunge all blame on themself? To be honest, if I get punched in the face by Host A, I'm going to blame Host A no matter who the fuck they say they are. They can say they are Merlin reborn and I'd still give Host A their deserved retaliation. I just cannot completely fathom it. Perhaps I'm too grounded (I even avoid typical magick) and down to earth to believe in such things. I try to, given that I have to deal with it with Mandi. It just sounds a bit far fetched to me. Kind of like someone who claims to be able to change their molecular structure into beastial anatomy. Just ain't happenin'.   Hmm... I know I had something else I wanted to touch on, but I can't quite put my finger on it. I suppose I've wrote enough to possibly piss people off for the next week or so -mission accomplished. Seeing how it is 5 in the AM, I might just hit the sack here very soon. I need to do more research on some of the prior topics before I can offer more support/rebuttal for my stances. I personally don't like to attack other people in situations like these, but this is one helluva skeptical, cynical Druid. Who knows? With the multiplicity bit, I could be VERY correct in my assumptions in application to some, but not to others. Given my rather instinctive, shot in the dark way of interpreting what I 'sense' it is hard for me to distinquish one aura from another. Practically impossible. I can sense very strong, concentrated spirits, doorways, vortexes, and the like yet cannot discern positive from negative energy. I feel like an overly simplified search engine such as one where you recieve a dozen or so porno site links along with what you intended --I just can't sift through the shit. This is increasingly annoying, but I should be grateful considering I'm the first male in my family to be even remotely sensitive to the other side. I often wonder about the whole 'number three' theory. I suppose there is supposed to be some strength to that number, aside from the fact that it is the only self supporting geometric shape. I am the oldest child, grandchild, and great grandchild. I really don't know if there is any significance to this or not, but I found it interesting when it was pointed out to me. Perhaps I should consider the name Longwind. Yes, in any event... 5:12 am at this point. Lovely. So, in short, uhh... don't fuck with my Lupa, don't do shit that you can't be accountable for later, and always remember... I am an insufferable bastard, and make good on my promises. Good morning, friends and foes. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: "Punishment" - Fisticuff (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 14th, 2007
10:42 am	Another lovely day.. BULLSHIT I woke up this morning with a terrible dread sensation. I dreamt last night, and it wasn't a pleasant dream. I cannot remember all the details, unfortunately. I do remember that it involved trying to escape an urban setting, and that I was betrayed by a woman. This will not bode well for her and I. I'm guessing it is because I don't feel like I should have to earn love, in a sense. I earn money. I can even earn respect. But, how the hell do I work for love? You can't. It is impossible. If you stop loving someone, or love them 'less' then that previous 'love' will never return. It just doesn't work that way. And I'm starting to wonder if I shouldn't have just stuck to my guns. Thanks anyway, Kaden. Current Mood: cranky (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 13th, 2007
11:16 pm	Slow chemical Ugh, you'd figure that I'd use this thing more, right? Yeah, who knew? Well, I've just got my computer back, so thats pretty cool, I suppose. I'm starting to worry about a number of things. The temp agency hasn't called back, I'm having more bouts of self-loathing and self doubt, and I feel like I just can't do anything right. All in all, I'm feeling quite worthless. Kind of like a poison. Current Mood: contemplative (Comment on this)
Monday, March 6th, 2006
3:44 am	"Take a man and put him alone, put him twelve thousand miles from home. Empty his heart of all but his blood, make him live in sweat, in mud. This is the life I have to live, this the soul to the Devil I give. You have your parties and drink your beer, while young men are dying over here. Plant your signs on the White House lawn; "Lets get out of Iraq". Use your signs and have your fun, then refuse to use a gun. There's nothing else for you to do, then I'm supposed to die for you. There is one thing that you don't know; and that's where I think you should go! I'm already here and it's too late. I've traded all my love just for hate. I'll hate you till the day I die. You made me hear my buddy cry. I saw his leg and his blood shed, then I heard them say "This one's dead". It was a large price for him to pay, to let you live another day. He had the guts to fight and die, to keep the freedom you live by. By his dying your life he buys, but who gives a damn if a soldier dies." ----Not mine, but speaks true...---     From SPC Lehman's myspace. I felt inclined to share it. Tuesday, November 08, 2005   Support Our Troops?......Fuck You. Current mood: Disgusted   Ok, heres the scoop. I'm getting ready to come home in December. I've been here in Baghdad, Iraq for nearly a year. Other than the 2 weeks I was home on leave that the great Army so nicely gave me, I don't really know what to expect. That 2 weeks R&R really isn't a good barometer on which to base things on either considering that it was just that...2 weeks home. I was pretty much forced to try and have a good time and spend time with loved ones, make the best of it because that's all I got. It's not like it was normal everyday life, I knew I had to come back to this shithole. Anyways, I spend a lot of time over here reading articles on the internet, magazines, books...you name it. Given my current situation and being a soldier in Iraq I take special interest in articles pertaining to the war in Iraq and anything with the involvement of soldiers all pre, during and post deployment. Lately I've been pretty fucking disgusted after reading some of these articles. Many of you probably believe that American soldiers over here dying is the most tragic of all things. I, however, do not. Don't get me wrong...US soldiers paying the ultimate sacrifice doesn't for a second put a smile on my face. But that's something we as soldiers have come to accept. That's our job that we're faced with and we volunteered to do it. What I find most tragic happens to involve post deployment. Soldiers returning home. 9/11 occurred nearly 4 and a half years ago. Immediately thereafter, America was overcome with a newfound "patriotism" it hadn't experienced in decades. I could be alone on this, but I highly doubt it...but I think it was all a bunch of horseshit. Granted there may have been a short time of patriotism and sincerity and I'm sure everyone was outraged when it happened. But it didn't last long. That patriotism shit was just that....shit. It was more like a return to the highschool days or possibly even gradeschool. The fucking citizens noticed that their neighbor put out an American flag. It caught on because everyone was doing it. The only reason half you motherfuckers did it was because you didn't want to be the only one NOT doing it. I wonder, really, had some of your neighbors or friends not went out and stuck that American flag out front of their house how many of you would have went and done so anyways. But, nonetheless, the American flags were raised, the banners were stuck and the wreaths were hung. Wartime came and there was a new thing for everyone to get. Support our troops yellow ribbon magnets to put on the back of your fuckin cars. Worst thing about it...very few of you do. More or less, just as it was with the American flags and banners and wreaths, it was something you could buy to make you feel better about your fucking selves. It put your mind at ease. Because you now had your little facades up so you could say "Oh yes, I'm patriotic...yes...I definately support our troops." I beg to differ. I wonder how many of you actually...TRUELY support our troops. For those of you who bought all those showy ornaments, my question is this: How do you support our troops? Do you support our troops because you just say oh yes, I'm definately for the troops and I believe in what they're doing and all that horseshit? Nope...doesn't cut it. Do you support our troops because you bought all that shit? Sorry...doesn't fucking cut it. Do you support our troops just because you happen to know someone in the military or someone who is currently serving overseas? Nice try...lets go around again though one more time, will we? One thing I did notice while I was home on leave was the response I got while traveling in uniform. Amazingly though, what I noticed was the LACK of response that I got. I'm not trying to draw attention to myself nor do I want to be bowed down to. But other than little kids staring and pointing and being amazed at the Army man...most people took little notice that myself or my fellow soldiers were even around. Almost as if we were just another face in the crowd. I traveled through 2 major airports (Atlanta and Dayton), both of them twice...once each on the way home and once each on the way back. Do you know how many people stopped to talk to me? I can count on one hand. Do you know how many on that hand actually thanked me? One. One person. The others were merely interested in hearing war stories. Did I kill anyone. Did I ever get blown up or shot at or get in fucking fire fight. Has anyone with me been killed. Fucking get a heart. I don't fucking know you...do you think I want to talk to you about killing people, almost being killed, or people i know that have been killed? FUCK OFF. It's really sad to me to see that shit. I'm sure I'm not the only one it's happened to. You don't give a shit about us you just want to satisfy your own fucking curiousity. Few of you take the time to even thank us. I'm not asking you to suck my fucking dick. I'm asking you to have a little humanity. Next time you read a newspaper and read of a soldier being killed, stop and think. Be appreciative. Next time you see on the news a segment on things going wrong in this war, stop and think. Be thankful that some of your very neighbors or people in your town are volunteering to do that shit so you don't have to. You get to go about your everyday life where you don't stop to think about those people dying or you dying yourself. You just bitch about the war because the gas prices are fucking high...not because men and women are dying. Next time you go to that supermarket or that shopping center and that kind individual who's doing more than their part by standing out and asking for donations to support our troops is staning there...put a god damn nickel or a quarter in the god damned bin. Some of that money in the most serious case could be going to help those soldiers who have returned from combat wounded. I bet a lot of you fucks didn't know that the Department of Veterans Affairs "underestimated" the amount of relief the would need for veterans for the year. They cut the budget short by not by a million or 2, but by 1 billion fucking dollors. You know what that means? That means those men and women that went over and did that shit and got fucked up have to WAIT for their medical care. They have to wait to be approved. Many times they have a hard time getting it all because the government fucked the budget up. In a less serious sense that money could just be going to help buy phone cards for soldiers so they can just talk to their loved ones for maybe 15 minutes. It's not as cheap as you think. I myself have probably crossed the 1 thousand dollar mark on phone cards since I've been in this country. And I don't talk as often as you might think. It doesn't help that half of America thinks we're just making kick ass money over here or something. Sadly mistaken. Most people that I know over here with me are actually LOSING money by coming over here and serving. This is tax free pay we're talking here, too. Yet, they're still fucking losing money by being here. They have mouths to feed..families, they have mortgages and car payments. And they're losing money. How many of you want to actually take a pay cut...to go fucking get shot at and blown up and have nearly everyone around want you dead? I bet it's not many. This is a bitch session, obviously. But I'm doing it because I'm disappointed in the American public. I don't have faith in most of you. You talk shit...but you don't do anything about it. Everyone bitches about Bush...did you fucking vote? If you did, I'll let you speak your opinion. If you didn't, shut the fuck up...what right do you have. You want to voice your opinion now...where was it on election day you piece of shit. Next time you say you support our troops, hopefully you have something to support that statement. If you don't, please don't fucking say it around me. I'd really have a hard time not knocking your teeth out of your fucking asshole. Makes me sick. Support our troops...what the fuck ever. Bye.       Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: System of a Down - Lonely Day (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, March 3rd, 2006
2:53 am	drunken ramblings I just got off the phone with Mitch, a coworker. For the record, yeah, I'm fucking wasted. Oddly enough, I can type well while drunk. Funny, isn't it? We reflected on women, and their effect on us. I reflected on Kathleen. She was my motivations... my drive for everything. I got through basic, pushed myself through the PT test, and all so I could be there for her graduation. I woke up every day in Iraq just knowing I have a loving woman waiting for me. DOES ANY WOMAN APPRECIATE WHAT A MAN GOES THROUGH FOR THEM?!?!?!?! Does anyone? Yeah, so I'm crying now? So fucking what? Yeah, I'm drunk. So what? Everyone has their escape, and I'm an Irish bastard who finds solace in Jameson Irish Whiskey. FUCK YOU! Mitch said it right. The only way to move on is to find one who'll treat you right. Who WILL treat us right, men? WHO?! I've almost given up on finding that one. The only other woman I confessed feelings for said "I'll always be your friend." I feel like wolverine. Brittany is the jean grey to my wolverine. maybe Sherlyn is the Storm that I should pay more attention to. I guess you need to be a fucking X-Men geek to understand it all. I'm too drunk to give a fucking damn. At least I can type, I guess. Most people can't tell the difference when I'm drunk. Meghan (RPer) is trying to counsel me right now. She thinks maybe I should take a break from women. Ever since Kathleen, I've just been a torrent of emotions. I can't tell what is right or wrong with my heart. What the hell am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? I've always tried to do the right thing. Why is the "right thing" so clouded with uncertainty? WHY?!??!?! It tears me up inside. I don't know what the right thing to do is. I just don't know. If love is giving someone the ability to break your heart and trusting that they won't, I don't know if I'm capable of love anymore. I just don't know. I'm to the point where I believe love to be nothing more than a chemical reaction. An instinctual response, triggered by physical attraction; the base animal instinct. What is wrong with me? Why can't I come to terms with someone who might be good to me? I just don't know what is good for me anymore. So much hurt... each time the same thing occurs. Cheating. Lying. Deception. I'm damaged goods. My soul has been wounded, and I don't know how any woman can understand that! When I had bombs going off, literally 5 feet from me, seeing Kathleen was the only important thing to me. Knowning that a woman I thought loved me still waited kept me going. And what did she do? She fucked Mike. She fucked Eric. She fucked Steve. I can only take so much. THEY ALL UNDERESTIMATE ME BUT THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT IM CAPABLE OF NOBODY DOES!!!!!!! I could kfill them all thand they sodnt know it!!! jEUSS FUCKING FHIRST. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm a drunk. I can admit that. One person in my place say I'm weak. One of you mother fuckers say it. How many of you have been to Iraq? How many have been played like a harp from hell by a woman you loved? How many have known polyamorous feelings, yet been faithful to one? Yes, I love "jean." And I feel more kinship to "storm." I juts dont know what to do. I feel so confused. Dark Phoenix will live again sooner than I am willing to realize. Dark Phoenix, the unfeeling. Dark Phoenix, the brooding. Dark Phoenix the one who hates those who know true love. Dark Phoenix who sees Valentines Day as a day of mourning. My pseudoname. My old identity that I went by for so long. Drunken poetic ramblings, yet there is so much truth in it all. With each turn, another deception Each face just another mask Happy receivings, rude receptions Each emotion, a herculean task Hatred is my brother The fuel in my tank Misery birthed me, my mother Grim Reaper is my rank Drugs will soothe me Alcohol is my buffer Marborlo ecstacy Depression, my lover My life is a noir A drug addicted haze No colors in this horror I'm in a pain induced craze I am pandora in a ways The box full of plagues Like the minotaur, this maze Is bereft of hope. Wolverine (X-Men), Erik (Phantom of the Opera)... you are my brothers. Who can prove to me that love is more than a chemical reaction? Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Cascada - Every Time We Touch (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 1st, 2006
9:30 pm	Chuck Norris is my hero Okay, I was sitting at my desk when I quoted Dodgeball "Fuckin' Chuck Norris," and my brother started telling me Chuck Norris jokes. I thought they were so hilarious, I did a google search for more. I haven't stopped laughing since. Chuck Norris didn't "lose" his virginity. He stalked it and destroyed it with extreme prejudice. Due to Newtons 3rd law of motion, Chuck Norris can actually rounhouse kick you yesterday. Chuck Norris can believe its not butter. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure. ( Plenty more where those came from ) (1 Comment |Comment on this)